Two Years Ago...Seems Like a Lifetime Ago

Today marks 2 years since we lost Chris.  It seems like a lifetime ago that the paramedics where in my bedroom trying to save him.  It seems like a lifetime ago that I was sitting in the family room at Southwest Medical Center ER listening to the Dr. tell me that there was nothing they could do...

Chris had been short of breath for a couple of days.  He mentioned it a few times, but not enough to make me think something was "wrong."  He took himself to the Dr. on Tuesday, and called me afterward saying that it was just a virus and some dehydration.  A little later, he called to tell me he had a fever.

We both had meetings at night...work for me and church for Chris.  So, we let Jackson stay the night with Grammy and PaPa (which we had NEVER done on a weeknight before).  When we both got home after 10 pm Tuesday night, Chris mentioned that he was feeling better.  He had taken Tylenol for the fever and thought he was doing better. 

We talked that night till way past midnight.  We talked about my new job.  We talked about plans for the future.  We talked about Jackson.  We talked and talked and talked.  We went to bed and the last thing I remember Chris saying was "I think I feel better."

I woke up sometime after that, I'm not even sure what time it was, sometime after 5, I think.  I heard Chris gasping and choking.  I tried to wake him up, but he was struggling to breathe and couldn't wake up.  I turned on the light and tried to get him to sit up.  I called 9-1-1, the firemen came and then the paramedics came.

The paramedics tried to start an IV and get a heart monitor on him, but he passed out before they could get it going.  The firemen started doing CPR...

I remember as the paramedics and firemen were loading Chris into the ambulance, I looked at the fireman that stayed with me and said "Is he going to be okay??"  The fireman just put his arm around me and said "No, honey, he's not okay."

When we got to the hospital, I remember being ushered into a small room.  A doctor came and told me they were doing all they could do, but it didn't look good.  A short time later, she came in and said there was nothing else they could do.

My first reaction??  "I'm pregnant."  As if that would change things!!

Suddenly, there were so many people in the ER...people I have no idea how they heard about it.  And how they got here so quickly.  I remember all of them asking "What are you going to do??"  My answer, so confidently and so sure "God has a plan.  He will take care of us."

And, take care of us He has.  He knew the details long before Aug 27, 2008.
1. He prompted me to take a new job that would allow flexibility in my schedule and would pay the bills.
2. He allowed us to buy a truck in only Chris' name.  (a technicality due to a mistake at the dealership, resulting in a second set of papers being signed).  This allowed me to have no connection to the truck and therefore have no responsibility for it.
3. He provided health insurance through the Union Chris was a member.  Without 12 months of provided insurance, I would not have had coverage during my pregnancy!
4.  My job pays enough that we did not have to worry about losing our house. 
5.  I had enough life insurance money to pay for maternity leave without any stress.
6. The kids' social security benefits are exactly the amount of money that Chris brought home, so my budget didn't have to change.


The list goes on...God just never ceases to amaze me at the ways he has provided for us before, during, and after this time in our life.

So, it seems like a lifetime ago that I was saying goodbye to my best friend and my kids' daddy.  A lifetime.  But in that short time, I have begun to make a new life for me and my babies. One that isn't how I planned, isn't what I wanted, but is exactly what God wanted and is exactly as He planned.

"For I know the plans I have for you..."  Jer. 29:11